Slumber

Writing is such hard work as we are emotionally exhausted when we delve into the psyche of the characters we create and try to reimagine their emotional and mental frame of mind.
It is a form of catharsis but channeling our emotions and transforming into the body of our characters need us to get into their minds and hearts.
  Sometimes being so caught up with the characters,we are haunted by the past,the vulnerability of the characters,their darkest fears and pain.
   When I went to Wat Lam Phong to seek the blessings of the bhikku for the rest of 2017,he asked Jun what I wish for and when Jun translated it,he chuckled and chanted some prayers.
    Are you sure? he asked as I nodded. The simpler the expectations we have in Life,the more contentment. All I want is  peaceful sleep at night. No need to strike a lottery,a rich husband or a new big car and house, an A star exam result,everlasting youth and perfect health .Just a good night's sleep without being haunted by the past. Just a good slumber.
      Sleep is like death when we lose awareness of the present surroundings to enter another level of sub consciousness and reborn the next day.sometimes we bring back what we have experienced to the next day and sometimes no matter how hard i racked my brain,i can't recall a single episode in the dream.

personality cults

How would blindly worshipping figures of authority be it from the religious,entertainment and political establishment blinds us to their personal agendas/

The risk is when blind adulation cause one to lose critical judgement on sense of right and wrong when we surrender to the obedience to such figures of authority,we have submitted our self will to be under the command of another.
 
  total submission may be seen as a sign of unity but the risk is it might threaten the independent judgement of the individual and their inner sense of ethics.Look before you leap would be a warning to those before they give up their sense of self control.

paradox

It seems ironical that the insight on truisms in love and relationship or the nature of it comes from one who has carried out a renunciation of desires -how can a monk like Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Norbu give advice like a love guru-probably because he understands non attachment in his sprititual practice that he sees through how passion brings dukkha  as emotionally delusioned and entangled we are,the less we can achieve his level of objectivity.
             He talks about the :burden of being nice all the time in a relationship and the way couples choke each other with their possessiveness and exclusive rights to the deeds and speech of the other.In a way passion is pain as it's not liberating us so much as it ensnares us  from the path of Moksha.

Raga /Passion

There is no fire like passion
no grip like hatred
no net like delusion
no river like craving

I feel the Thais have a higher emotional quotient as they reflect the buddhist philosophy in their everyday lives from the appreciation of the fragile beauty of flowers to their awareness of sentient beings in very old trees.
         But the most dumbass philosophical words of wisdom came on the door of the toilet cubicle.Reminds one sitting on the toilet bowl and hogging the cubicle could be a meditative retreat to shut out the stress of the hustle bustle of urban lives.Some smoke away for hours on the shitty throne to destress whilst some get rid of all that shit in their lives by meditating on the toilet seat in lieu of the mediation cushion.After reading this on the door of the cubicle,I achieved satori  or instant awakening by getting rid of all the defilements whether bodily or mentally.

Please remember to FLUSH to get rid of all the shit in your Life.Don't pass your shit to others.

Words of wisdom

" Falling in love is easy"
"Staying in love is hard"
"Letting go is hard"
"Moving on is the hardest"

All this bullshit is hard to swallow when you have trouble letting go.

Love is blind,deaf and dumb

Love is blind to your faults,deaf to your rants and dumb enough to love you despite the
aforementioned traits in you.

moved by hospitality of Thais

This trip was exhausting as we were hunting for apartments with the traffic jams and the crazy extreme heat and heavy monsoon rains so tiring.
Thank goodness we found somewhere within his budget and wonderful Thai couple impressed me with their warm hospitality.The wife went back home to get two coconut from their garden to give us refreshing drinks and when I told the wife I was terrified to run across the road with whizzing motorbikes and tuk tuk,she literally grabbed my hand and guided me and Jun to the MRT station and gave me a warm hug when I thanked her profusely.This morning I went to a bakery and chatted with the lady boss who was born in Penang and migrated to Thailand to escape the second world war.She was so kind as to take me to eat Teochew duck noodles for breakfast despite leaving her bakery.No wonder Jun loves being In Thailand.

Awakening

Awakening from a dream called Life.

Most days,we move on auto pilot,from waking up,getting ready for school or work,carrying out our responsibilities,fulfilling expectations of others on us as a child,worker,parent,a citizen until one day Life gives us a rude awakening as a certain health crisis that threatens to immobilize us or a sudden accident or crime or divorce that destroys our sense of security and makes us reexamine our priorities in life.
   As midlife existential angst make some people do out of the usual thing like buy a new sports car to revive long forgotten dreams ,get into an affair or sell off their businesses to pursue childhood passions,these moments make us reflect on who we are and what is the meaning of Life.       

Some have found love beyond the physical attachment but in their passion for their cause be it for the environment,

the fulfillment of their dreams,the love for animals,other human beings

There is a law in nature that for every action,there will be a reaction.

That which you practise grows -when seeds of hate are sown,we reap the garden of hatred,

when seeds of kindness are sown ,it blossoms into the garden of love. 

Today as  I was walking past the street,I came across the wise sayings pasted outside a florist shop.It was like what I was reflecting on in listening till the wee hours of the morning to Jamyang Khentse Norbu's talk at University Of  New South Wales on the buddhist path to seek within and not without.

I felt a sense of serendepity when I saw the words plastered outside.Seek and You shall find.

Love is not a matter of counting the years but making that year count....

Sometimes we let affection..go..unspoken.

sometimes we let our love..go..unexpressed..

sometimes we can't find words...to tell..our feelings

especially towards....someone we love most!

You may only be one person to the world

but you are the world to one person.......

Inside the shop were two artificial blooms of white orchids

outside on the glass window the words

Where there is love,there is Life   Gandhi

I must go back to find out who the proprietor of that florist shop is . 

kudzu kiri noodles in clear clam broth-Macrobiotic food

Asians share a love for ramen which Italians have for their pasta.The variety and ingredients are mind boggling.I had a warm  penchant for this comforting  Japanese kudzu kiri noodles or arrowroot noodles in clear clam broth topped with a poached egg so that the yolk oozes out when i slurp on it.
It seems hard to purchase these noodles from normal supermarts as it's mostly used by organic health food store that follow the macrobiotic diet.I keep powdered kombu stock,bonito flakes,miso and soba as stock in larder but I can't seem to find arrow root noodles like the tang hoon noodles but nicer as it has a chewy texture.The restaurant chain I patronize has changed its chef and the one I ate was below standard as the egg was overcooked,the clams became rubbery and the noodles soft unlike the previous chef.i will try to cook it myself to save money and recreate the texture through the right timing of the boiling process as overcooked ramen is so unappetising to taste.Macrobiotic diet harmonizes the yin and yang forces.

next life

Id it time to prepare for the next life.After reading Ajarn Sumano bhikku's booklet the enlightened mind,I slowly think I know the Universal Mind.But to know is different from to act.
       How as a disciple of Ajarn Chah,he continues to give his dharmma from his cave retreat.I would hope he gives retreat as he walks the talk-no fanciful monastery or whatever modern comforts but a solar powered laptop.From the trappings of the military,to a university researcher to a businessman,he may have tasted the materialism of American society and to give it all up and let go of it all is his remarkable karma.
      How should I prepare for the next life? Time to seek his advice but I shouldn't disturb his privacy.After watching Arbat,I see the difficulties of conquering one's desires.How could he do that and still take care of a sick anddying Ajarn Chah who is not even from his own family shows the depth of his compassionate nature.Time to make a retreat to Thailand-leave this world of dust.
       

when rivers and mountain calls

Laos is a place of serenity almost like Bhutan in its lack of commercialization- a natural haven of water,mountains and peace.My heart is calm here.A

  A child of nature.

lyrics of the purple rose of pain

Bitterness  Endure       ( Hanyu    Pinyin)

Sung by the geisha Yoshimaru

Angry to lose all of you,my papa,mama and brother

Pain not to say goodbye

Bitterness endure 

Ku re nai

The sadness

Lingers

Hate the world

With lies that

Robbed you of

Your hope,your laughter

Wipe away

Your pain

Bitterness endure

Ku re nai

Let the anger explode

Kill the bitter memories

Wash away your hate

With rain of tears

To suffer every possible

Torment

Han xin ru ku

Release the pain

Through

Cuts 

Cut out the memories

oozing out 

Crimson

Crimson

Is the colour of anguish

Crimson

Is the colour of passion

Set your heart on fire

Burn the hate

To ashes

Too many questions

No need for answers

Swallow the bitterness

Set your heart on fire

Set your heart on fire

With the music of love

Like a moth to the flame

Sang by enemy of Shogun

Like a moth to the candle flame

Draw away from the darkness

Move to the light

Blinded by the rays 

The moth is trapped

Until it is set on fire

By that which tempts

By that which bewitches

By that it loses its life

The light is a lure

To be burned alive

flee from the

Bleak,  dark Night

Seek your delight

In the warmth of the light

As it beckons like

A beacon 

Drawing sailors lost in stormy seas

To search for the light of hope

A drabby moth of brown

pales beside the iridiscent colours

Of the butterfly wings

 looks  that will never capture

the eyes of the beholder

Plain and safe your life will be

Plain and safe your life will be

If you had hidden in the cloak of darkness

But your desire for the dazzling flame

Will be the end of your life

Bewitched by that beauty

Of radiance

Your fate is to hate

Sang by Toshi

Eyes like blades of steel

Slashes

Through thin air

Another down

Not ten men can defeat me

Nay a hundred I will bring to their knees

Legs quiver and shake

At mere mention of my name

Not a drop of mercy 

Not a plaintive cry

Not a drop of tear

Will save you

From my blade of honour

My duty is to do or die

The shogun's dignity i vow to protect

Till the last drop of crimson blood

Oozes out

I will defend till the slashes cover

Every inch of my skin

Proud Iam to be a loyal man

My duty is not to let my master down

To wipe out each and every enemy 

The children's wails are soundless screams

The women's cries are drowned in blood

The old I send to the early grave

Only my master's words I listen to

All his enemies have to go.

My fate is to hate

Hate what my master commands

I am the sword of life and death

The power I hold over your life at ransom

Beg me for mercy

I hear not your horror

Not a drop of blood I spare

My fate is to hate

Well of silence

Sang by Toshi

The purple  rose

Is the pain of passion

So fall into the pits of despair

Go to burn and rot in hell

Why should anyone care

If you drop into the well

Of silence

No one will ever find you

In the well of silence

Block out those cries of pain

The darkness is creeping in

The walls of the well of silence

Will cut off the world outside

Bury yourself in memories

Barricide yourself in the well of silence

Where no light will reach all the way down

For the sky above

Is totally unreachable

Though it can still be seen

From the pit of darkness

The heart sees what the eyes can't(yoshimaru's ballad)

Though my world is in darkness

I can feel your pain

They say you are a slayer of humanity

A cold blooded murderer

But do they understand

Only the strong survive

In our world

The weak are born losers

Soft saplings are crushed by 

The branches of sturdy trees

in a storm

The strong will live on

Yes,you were a sapling once

Kicked by bullies

Abandoned by friends

Your family gone in a second

Swallowed by the earth

That shook and tremble

No more 

No more will I be weak for

The weak are inferior slaves

You said to yourself

Each fall strengthened your will

Your unconquerable body

Sharpened your indomitable spirit

Each loser crushed beneath your feet

Only made you love to win

Again and again

Others will

Run away  from

The heartless slayer

Only I will follow you

Like a shadow 

Coz I see you better

Though sightless

I know your every move

I see your heart

It will soon be in my hands

For my heart sees

What my eyes can't.

Love conquers all

Lyrics to Who will buy my heart?(sung by yoshimaru)

What is the price for pleasure?

Seeker of joy

Name me the amount

For I will be soothing your pain

Let yourself go

And follow me 

To the madness of desire

Of beguiling charm

Drown your sorrows

With sips of sake

Forget the world

Let my music bring you

To another place

Relax in the warmth

Of my embrace

My tender lips

Will melt any 

Hardened soul

Weary from the way of the world

The night is still young

Stay and linger in the comfort of 

Dreams

Everything has a price

But how much is my heart worth?

Who will buy my heart?

Who wants to listen to

my lonely melody?

When will I get justice

For my slained family?

Only time will tell

For all the money in this world

Cannot bring them back to me

Who will buy my heart?

ush them all  sung by the Shogun

All the world

Will belong to me.

My samurai will

Do my bidding

They are each and everyone

Of them loyal

To defend my honour

For failure to obey

They commit seppuku

Power lies at the end of the katana

Power comes not out of thin air

Power is strength

So crush them all

Who even dare to defy me

Crush them like ants

Beneath my feet

 

My enemy tremble

At my army of

Fearless warriors

Their swords fly

Swifter than a gust of wind

For their invincible sword

Knows no mercy

With their help

The world will soon fall

Into my hands

The song of eternal yearning sung by Toshi

The sun that will rise with

this new dawn will

dry up the beads of dew

Clinging to the thorny leaves

Of the purple rose

When passion is pain

When passion is pain

Abandon that elusive dream

Never- although foolish it may seem

Chase that which is in your heart

Listen to  the voiceless whisper 

That haunts you in the stillness of the dark night

Be seduced by the rush of passion

Believe that fate will somehow unfold

Your destiny is in your hands

Chase the elusive dream

 which is in your heart

 Lovers are not eternal

 But Love lives on forever